What Would You Do?

Howdy. I am crowd-sourcing advice for a friend who doesn't feel totally comfortable posting the problem to her personal Facebook page. The vastness of the internet offers a sense of anonymity, though, so I offered to put it out there to the world. Please weigh in. 

This story is going to be much easier to write with names, so let's start with the aliases: 

• My friend, Candy, a mom
• Candy's son, Andy, a smart, loving 8 year old
• Andy's friend, Mandy, presumably 8 years old too
• Mandy's mom, Brandy. 

Andy and Mandy were playing together at Candy's house after school one day last year. When Brandy came over to pick Mandy up, she decided to tell Candy that she (Brandy) was a white supremacist. Who does that? Candy was horrified, but glad that at least she knew. Armed with that knowledge, she didn't feel comfortable having Brandy come to her house, and was certain that she didn't want to send Andy over to Mandy's house to play. How do you explain that to a first grader? Candy went to the school and spoke with the kids' teacher about it the next day. The teacher was just as shocked as Candy, but likewise perplexed about how to proceed. For the rest of the year, Candy just avoided arranging play-dates for Andy and Mandy.

Last night, Candy and Andy ran into Mandy and Brandy at the store. Andy and Mandy played together so sweetly, pretending to be an old married couple with giant candy canes, and asked if they could play together another time. All day today, Andy has been begging to have Mandy come over. 

After a lot of internal debate and conversation with me, Candy is resolute that she doesn't feel safe having the kids play together outside of school. You can't just say that to an eight year old, though. You want to just be able to tell him: "We are accepting and loving of all types of people and belief systems in our family. We don't hate. We don't discriminate. Your friend's parents have a violent belief system built around hate and feeling superior to people who don't look like them or think like them. You can't play with your friend because I don't want you to be exposed to that belief system." Is it hypocritical to say "we don't discriminate except against people who hate"?

Candy has decided that she might try to have a conversation with Andy and help him understand why Mandy can't come over to play. Perhaps he is old enough to understand. So, we're looking for the correct words to tell him. What would you do?

Online Dating Advice

According to this article I just read, men on dating sites apparently feel exactly the same way about women on dating sites that I feel about men on dating sites. You should totally read it if you are dating: http://www.xojane.com/sex/online-dating-advice. In addition to advice on setting up an effective profile, there are also good tips for initial contact and first dates.

Mostly, though, I like the article because it shows that my refusal to "swipe right" for anyone whose pictures are too professional or filtered or Photoshopped or full of other people or blurry does not necessarily mean that I am a horrible person. Like the article says, "Life is short so stop wasting time." Here's the deal: my time is way too precious to be wasted clicking through multiple photos to decide if you're cute. I may be a tad bit shallow and narcissistic, but I am not a horrible person - I'm just busy. Right? Right? Hello? Is this thing on?

Las Lessons Learned

I just realized that this week marks the first anniversary of "Confessions of A Middle-Aged Divorcee." So much has happened in this past year; I should probably commemorate my dating/self-discovery blog's first birthday by doing something epic and fun and potentially scandalous like...well, an almost spontaneous trip to Las Vegas for Halloween weekend. I just did that! Perfect. 

Clearly, I can't violate the "what happens in Vegas..." code, because I'm pretty sure that the first rule of Vegas Club is: you do not talk about Vegas Club, but I can at least impart some lessons learned by a middle-aged Vegas virgin. Here, then, is what I learned on my first ever Las Vegas trip.

Lesson #1: Choose your travel companions well. This is not specifically a Vegas lesson, but it's important enough to be my first rule of travel. The ideal companions don't like to bitch, do like to laugh, and are up for anything. Lucky for me, my inner circle is full of just this sort of people. I have taken incredible trips with my family and friends in the past year, and I have come out of each adventure loving my travel mates even more. Vegas was absolutely no exception. There was no drama, no one got lost or arrested, and we had a ton of fun. 

Lesson #2: Bring sensible shoes and plenty of cab fare. Trying to walk across the street on The Strip is nearly impossible. As it turns out, the shortest pedestrian distance between two points there is a crazy labyrinth of resort casinos and staircases and malls filled with handbags that cost a year's salary. The first time we left our hotel room in costume on Halloween night, we looked amazing from head to toe. The first time (of many) that we ended up back at our hotel room on Halloween night, we had one costume change and two shoe changes. Unfortunately, the blistery damage had already been done. We already have plans to return next Halloween dressed as old people on rented Rascal scooters. Important takeaway: Just pay the $8 fare for a five minute cab ride that will ultimately save you 30 minutes of walking and hours of bitching about how much your feet hurt. Or rent a Rascal scooter.

Lesson #3: Vegas ain't cheap. This was the first time that I have ever traveled like upper crusty folks do. I have to admit - I could get used to it. We stayed in a lovely room in the Bellagio, ordered room service, had our concierge get us amazing seats for the Cirque du Soleil show, "O", and just generally had a grand time. Happily, the past year has been good to me, so I was able to afford a carefree vacation without worrying about rent or the electric bill. Any other time of my life, the first round of cocktails at $20 a piece might have broken me. Here's a tip: an entire bottle of Stoli from the liquor store is the same price as a single cocktail and there is no open container law in Las Vegas, so you should buy a bottle and mix your own drinks in the hotel room whenever possible.

Lesson #4: Hit the strip club. Wait. Hear me out. When your male traveling companion who had the glorious idea to go to Vegas for the weekend wants to go to a titty bar, you go to a titty bar. So, yeah, I got my first lap dance. From a girl. Twice. It just would have been rude to refuse the poor girl standing right in front of me after the travel companion has already paid her. If nothing else, the $20 lap dance is the same price as that $20 cocktail on The Strip, and the drinks at the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Club only cost, like, $10, so a lap dance might actually be the best deal in Vegas. Also, you can get a table and just sit and listen to music and talk to your friends without walking anywhere. Priceless. Oh, and here's a tidbit: the Bellagio concierge adamantly insists that he is not allowed to refer guests to strip clubs, but he might discreetly put an x next to one in his entertainment guide if you tease him enough.

Lesson #5: Call your credit union. Knowing how my credit union watches out for me, I probably should have done this before I left town. It would have just been a simple phone call to say "Hey guys, I'm going to Las Vegas. You might see some atypical spending activity, but no need to worry. I have not been abducted or robbed." As soon as I returned home, I got to have a fun phone call with Visa Fraud Services authorizing a bunch of charges, including the Spearmint Rhino. The robotic voice on the other end tried to remain cool and detached, but I'm sure I detected a hint of disappointment as it thanked me and told me that my card would remain active.

Lesson #6: Ditch the Strip. Unfortunately, we didn't get this piece of advice from a hostess until Saturday night, when we already had "O" tickets and the strip club on our agenda. She told us that downtown Las Vegas is much more chill than the Strip, there are no ridiculous lines, more of an indy scene than a tourist scene, live music...exactly what we were really seeking. We'll just save the discovery of downtown for Vegas trip number two. I can't wait.