Moving Up, Out, In, and On: One More Trip Around the Sun

Greetings, Dear Reader. It's been a month since we last met, and I have had so much to tell, but I have been holding my breath. I've been waiting for the right moment to exhale, the moment when I can trust that everything is actually happening just as it should, and in the most wonderful way. I think that the moment to exhale is now. So I breathe out. I want to sing and dance and shout with delight from rooftops...instead, I exhale. Whoosh. I exhale, and I write.

Suddenly, I don't know where to begin. There is so much tremendous, unbelievable, wonderful stuff happening in this middle-aged divorcee's life right now! It's all so interconnected that I can't really tell it in chronological order, though. I think I can sum it up with three different champagne celebrations that all happened in the same week, starting with my birthday. Just try to follow along, as life is happening at lightning speed.

Champagne Celebration #1 - Veuve Clicquot

 My 41st birthday was two weeks ago. I wasn't really planning to celebrate for a couple reasons: my birthday was on a Thursday, 41 is not a milestone like 40, and although close, it's not yet the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. Really, 41 is just a prime number that signals the start of The Forties. So, I was happy to keep it low-key and accepted a friend's invitation for birthday dinner at her house after work. When I got there, though, I found a whole party with surprise guests, ice cream cake, balloons, a confetti cannon, champagne...truly the best birthday ever! It was my first ever surprise party, but I have always wanted one. Now that it's out on the internet, though, I pretty much expect surprise parties all the time for the rest of my life. Just sayin'.

Champagne Celebration #2 - Perrier Jouet

On my birthday weekend, I went to the casino and gambled for the second time in my life. As a math teacher, I basically subscribe to the old adage that gambling is a sport for people who don't understand mathematics. However, I am evidently living a charmed life, so I won. Clarification: I didn't just win, I haplessly won BIG.

Here's how I did it. I sat down at the Super Fun 21 table and changed $40 that I was fully committed to losing into eight $5 chips. (Step 1: don't bet anything you can't afford to lose.)  I dutifully placed $5 bets until I had 16 $5 chips. Then I made a little stack of my original eight chips and vowed not to touch that pile. (Step 2: set aside the money that you were committed to losing.) From that point, I set little rules for myself: If, and only if (my math peeps will love this: IFF...), I won at least two hands in a row, I allowed myself to add a single $5 chip to my bet. If (not IFF) I lost a hand, I removed that $5 chip. (Step 3: Take a loss as a sign, and take action immediately.) As you can see from the photo, my friend T and I both walked out as happy winners. To be precise, the $320 in my hand is what remained after tipping our dealer and buying the celebratory bottle of PJ on our way home. MathMercy ultimately made ten times her initial bet, walking out with $400 from her initial $40 investment.

Champagne Celebration #3 -Moët & Chandon

This is the big one. This is the huge one. This is the "holy shit life is good" one. This is the one that really symbolizes the rest of my life. A little back story: about a week before my birthday, my casino/surprise birthday party friend was looking at rentals because, for the second time in as many years, her landlord decided to sell her house. She had wistfully strayed from the rentals and was looking at real estate. Around 9:30p on that fateful Thursday, she asked me "Do you want to buy a house?" I sent an email to my parents at 9:58pm asking what they thought about me entering a home-buying partnership. Less than 48 hours later, we had financing approved and were well on our way to gathering what was needed for a down payment on a mini-farm on the Peninsula.

We didn't end up getting that first mini-farm. Thank goodness, because we found another house for $50,000 less that is absolutely perfect for us. Because I am a woman, and women navigate using landmarks, I have to landmark this path. It started on June 8, 2013, when my ex-husband walked out on me. At the time, I was totally blind-sided as the life that I knew came crashing down around me. On June 8, 2015, exactly two years to the day since my ex-husband left, we placed an offer on the house. The next day, our offer was accepted, so now we are just waiting on the sale to close. I bought the Moët & Chandon to celebrate, and to reflect on landmarks.

Life happens, and man, does it happen fast. When I went to the credit union to essentially liquidate all my savings for the down payment on the house, I had a moment of panic. I have worked really hard to build a savings account in these past two years of being a single lady, and withdrawing all of that money was scary. However, it wasn't nearly as scary as the fact that exactly two years prior, I was visiting one of those "cash for gold" places to exchange my single earrings and broken chains for gas money.

As it turns out, when you are living a charmed life, good things happen to you. When you choose to surround yourself with supportive friends and family, you have everything you need. We have been able to utilize friends and family for everything from temporary storage to our mortgage loan to our real estate agent, and it has been so easy. I am reminded of a book I had to read back when I was a dancer, called Zen in the Art of Archery. Clicking the link will download a pdf copy that you can (and should) read. The book teaches that in order to become an archer (or a dancer or just about anything else), one must learn to breathe properly with no knowledge of breathing, to Be without Being. I adapt the lessons for myself as Buy a House without being a Home Buyer. Perhaps after we close, I will write "Zen in the Art of Home Buying". (Step 1: Find a friend with whom you can live for the next 30 years....)

Two years ago, I thought life as I knew it had ended, and I was right. What I didn't realize is that I needed that life to end so I could discover the life that I am meant to live. I am meant to live a life of delicious risks, surrounded by kids, love, chickens, honey bees, friends, family, and walls that I OWN. I feel like I'm dreaming. Every day is the first day of my rest of my life, and I simply can't wait to wake up to greet each morning..

Spring Blossoms

I was briefly inspired to start converting my room-sized junk drawer back into a reading/sewing/guest room today. I say "briefly" because after about 20 minutes, I opened a box that contained all the journals from back before I decided that, for me, writing journals is little more than emotional self-indulgence.

After spending some time on memory lane, I am happy to report that the journals of my teens and twenties aren't all negative. Don't get me wrong: there is plenty of gloom and angst, but there is also a lot of joy. There is even poetry. That's right. MathMercy used to write poetry, and she is about to share some of it with you.

This poem was inspired by irises, and mine just bloomed yesterday. Finding it today was probably kismet.

The Faintest Scent

Spring is just moments away, 
Waiting. 
Breathless and giddy like a first date, 
Not yet late but hesitating 
So as not to seem too eager. 

Never one to give Them exactly 
What They Want, 
She hints at just enough 
To keep Them clamoring for more. 
Spring waits outside the door. 

A sigh heard faintly through the willow, 
Spring whispers.  
(Don't weep, my dear. I'm here.) 
She leaves just the faintest scent on pillows, 
Enough to open windows 
To invite her in. 

Springtime is my sin. 

I had put this poem on Poetry.com back in 2000 or 2001, so I was mildly surprised and amused to find that not only does Poetry.com still exist, but so does my poem. Let that be a lesson to you, kiddos. The internet is your permanent record. No matter how well you think you've hidden it, all of your future boy/girlfriends, college admissions boards, and future employers will know that you used to write poetry (gasp).

Incidentally, I'm not surprised if you don't know the scent of iris. Irises have a delicious honey aroma that will make you melt, but they don't like to broadcast it. You basically have to get right in there and risk walking around with pollen on your nose. You won't care, though, because you will be drunk on the scent of paradise. Drink it in and let springtime be your sin.

Aloha and Mahalo

January 3 is an aloha and mahalo day for me. Trivia tidbit of the day: according to Wikipedia, aloha has only meant "hello" and "goodbye" since the 19th century, but it actually means "affection, peace, compassion, and mercy." Nothing is more appropriate for my January 3 than "hello, goodbye, affection, peace, compassion, and mercy," as well as the gratitude and respect expressed through mahalo.

Pigeon and me in our kittenish years

One year ago today, I said goodbye to my best friend of almost 18 years as I released my Siamese mix, Pigeon, to the great hunting grounds in the sky. Graceful, playful, talkative, and aloof, Pigeon was my familiar spirit, my daemon through adulthood. What follows are a few of my favorite memories of her.

Pigeon was an excellent judge of male character, which is to say that she was generally not a fan of my boyfriends. Perhaps I should have paid closer attention to the fact that she consistently pissed on my ex husband's skateboard for the first year or so that she knew him, right? Pigeon had an amazing trick where she would jump out a third story bay window and into another on the outside of the building in order to escape from her litter mate during games of chase. She would then sneak up behind him and meow at him to get the chase going again. Pigeon would always lie dangerously close to a heat source and she knew that the pops and clangs of a 100 year old radiator meant that heat would be coming soon. A clever kitty, she would bang on the radiator to try to get it loud enough to turn on. As a kitten, she had an adorable habit of leaving her tongue sticking out just a little bit. She would wake me up by sitting on my chest, staring earnestly at me with that ridiculous tongue sticking out. It was all I could do not to laugh her off of me every morning. There is no better way to wake up than with laughter and love in your heart, and I adore her for giving me that gift. Aloha and mahalo, Pigeon.

My heart broke when I took Pigeon to the vet that last time. It was the first time that I had been to Inglemoor Animal Hospital, but I was so impressed with the level of compassion and professionalism that they showed for what could have been a one-time visit. When I requested cremation, the vet told me that Pigeon's ashes would be spread over an apple orchard in the Yakima Valley. True to her word, I received a postcard with a picture of Pigeon's final resting place a month or two later. The vet also told me not to stop at the front desk to pay, that we would take care of it at a better time. That was such a small gesture, but it meant so much to me. I have been treated just as well every time that I've been back to the clinic. I highly recommend them if you are in a need of a vet in the Bothell/Kenmore/Juanita area.

PepPurr and Savvy moments before a play-fight

Six hours after saying goodbye to Pigeon, I said hello to a new black kitten. I know that may seem awfully soon, but it was something I needed to do, and I'm so glad I did. My PepPurr is a lovey little clown who is an amazing playmate to my dog, Lola, and my other cat, Savvy. She may not be an alter-ego like Pigeon was, but she is a manifestation of sheer joy and love. She allows Lola to lick inside her ears, has taught Lola how to wash her own face with her paws, and is fearless in bringing out the kitten in a cranky cat who is twice her size.

PepPurr and Lola clownin'

Incredibly affectionate, PepPurr likes to smash her face into mine and purr for attention, and she wakes me up with sandpaper kisses on my chin or nose. When I was having a tough time last summer, PepPurr, Lola, and Savvy would come together and compete with each other to lap the most tears off my cheek, which almost always ended in laughter. Honestly, I could go on and on about how great this cat is, but I will spare you any more crazy cat-lady talk, dear reader. Mostly I just want to express how grateful I am that PepPurr came into my home and my heart on 1/3/13. Happy adoption day, PepPurr! Aloha and mahalo.

In keeping with the theme of cats and this blog's supposed theme of dating, I will close with this, a gift from my cousin L, who has also found himself wading in the deep end of the dating pool. I love it.

Finding Joy, Lonely Boys, Being Coy (with Koi)

My family has told me a few times over the past few months that they feel like they finally have the real ME back. Somehow it feels important to try putting words to what has been missing, now that I am beginning to truly understand what they mean. Please forgive me if I ramble for a while. 

A big part of the ME that has been missing for the past 13 years (one third of my life. Wow.) is the feeling, passionate ME. I think my ex was embarrassed by me and any displays of intense emotion (good or bad). I wasn't aware that I was actively hiding anything during the course of my marriage, but I was definitely cautious about spilling too much emotion. It isn't healthy to stifle so much, especially for a Gemini who is supposed to be moody! In my quest to rediscover myself, I have been trying to focus a lot on what makes me happy. One of those things is Christmas.

I love Christmas. I'm not like a snowman-displaying, tacky-sweater-wearing Christmas lady, but I love the traditions, baking, feelings of joy and goodwill and giving, lights...I especially love Christmas lights. I am super sappy in the glow of multi-colored Christmas lights. I have seriously spent time trying to imagine how I could live surrounded by Christmas lights year-round without moving to a trailer park. I haven't found the solution yet, but I am working on it. One possibility is moving to Las Vegas. According to this New York Times quiz, I speak most like people from Las Vegas, so I should fit right in. 

Back to Christmas. This year had the potential to be a really shitty one, as it was my first Christmas ever without family, husband/boyfriend, or roommate. I had just visited my parents for a big family Thanksgiving (another favorite holiday, but I will save that for another day), so going back a month later didn't seem feasible. Instead of staying home and opening presents from my family alone, I renewed my love of Christmas by establishing new traditions with my first, best Seattle friends and their families. We spent the holiday in the most Christmas-y town south of the North Pole, Leavenworth, Washington. It's a quaint mountain town that was remade as a Bavarian village in the 1960s, and the perfect place to get Christmas spirit.

Leavenworth with my Seattle family was restorative, magical, joyful. We saw a live nativity on Christmas Eve that had real goats, a real donkey, and even a real baby Jesus. We all laughed - and I'm still giggling as I write this - about how one of the shepherds slipped on the icy grass and muttered "Jesus!" as he went down. We went sledding, played games, sang, danced, relaxed, and opened gifts together. There were no schedules, no stress, no getting to any in-laws' houses by a certain time...just good, quality family/friend time. The lights were incredible. I took some pictures, but there is no way to really capture how gorgeous it was. You just have to experience it for yourself, and you should. 

Panorama of Front Street, Leavenworth

I hope that you felt nothing but joy this holiday season. There were at least seven lonely boys looking for love on Christmas night. That's how many "so-and-so wants to meet you" messages I received from POF. I'm figuring out that Friday nights and holidays are hot cruising times in the online dating world. I haven't spent any time on the site for a couple weeks, but my phone starts blowing up with "meet me" messages on Friday nights and, apparently, Christmas. Must remember to turn the phone off on New Year's Eve. 

While talking with my mother the other day, I realized that I should clarify a tiny detail about this blog in regards to dating. For the most part, I am only writing specifics about the Plenty of Fish fishies that I would never date. So, to my mother and anyone else who may be concerned: I will not be dating any headless torsos wearing nothing but their underwear, nor will I be dating any car-less, unemployed gangsters. 

Having explained that, I can tell you that the dating is going fine, thank you very much. In fact, it might be going a little too well. I have had a few dates that I am not blogging about because I would prefer to keep them private for now. Until these dudes do something stupid to piss me off or creep me out, I will only refer to them in the broadest terms.

There is one Gemini fishy who has been sending me little "good morning" messages and flirty "how's your day?" texts every day since our date two weeks ago. I have to admit, I don't hate the attention. He is definitely second date-worthy, but I've been putting him off while I check out a situation with a different Gemini. The only thing I'll say about Gemini #2 is that he is the only fishy I've seen more than once, and I'm meeting with him again tonight. Oh, and another little fishy called me last night (on the telephone! Isn't that cute?) to ask for a second date. Crazy, right?

When I started dating, I sort of imagined every date would be a one-time deal where both of us knew right away if there was chemistry worth pursuing; but probably it would be a train wreck and it would be obvious to both parties that we would not be going out again. It honestly didn't occur to me that any of the fishies would ask me out a second time. I was fine going on first dates with more than one guy because first dates are more like interviews than dates. However, I feel a bit guilty seeing more than one dude in second date territory. Ack! Pressure! Christmas week gave me a nice break to avoid dealing with it, but I'm probably going to need to learn how to juggle in the next week or so. Since I am a total klutz (refer to the early December posts), I can't wait to see how this turns out.