Finding Joy, Lonely Boys, Being Coy (with Koi)

My family has told me a few times over the past few months that they feel like they finally have the real ME back. Somehow it feels important to try putting words to what has been missing, now that I am beginning to truly understand what they mean. Please forgive me if I ramble for a while. 

A big part of the ME that has been missing for the past 13 years (one third of my life. Wow.) is the feeling, passionate ME. I think my ex was embarrassed by me and any displays of intense emotion (good or bad). I wasn't aware that I was actively hiding anything during the course of my marriage, but I was definitely cautious about spilling too much emotion. It isn't healthy to stifle so much, especially for a Gemini who is supposed to be moody! In my quest to rediscover myself, I have been trying to focus a lot on what makes me happy. One of those things is Christmas.

I love Christmas. I'm not like a snowman-displaying, tacky-sweater-wearing Christmas lady, but I love the traditions, baking, feelings of joy and goodwill and giving, lights...I especially love Christmas lights. I am super sappy in the glow of multi-colored Christmas lights. I have seriously spent time trying to imagine how I could live surrounded by Christmas lights year-round without moving to a trailer park. I haven't found the solution yet, but I am working on it. One possibility is moving to Las Vegas. According to this New York Times quiz, I speak most like people from Las Vegas, so I should fit right in. 

Back to Christmas. This year had the potential to be a really shitty one, as it was my first Christmas ever without family, husband/boyfriend, or roommate. I had just visited my parents for a big family Thanksgiving (another favorite holiday, but I will save that for another day), so going back a month later didn't seem feasible. Instead of staying home and opening presents from my family alone, I renewed my love of Christmas by establishing new traditions with my first, best Seattle friends and their families. We spent the holiday in the most Christmas-y town south of the North Pole, Leavenworth, Washington. It's a quaint mountain town that was remade as a Bavarian village in the 1960s, and the perfect place to get Christmas spirit.

Leavenworth with my Seattle family was restorative, magical, joyful. We saw a live nativity on Christmas Eve that had real goats, a real donkey, and even a real baby Jesus. We all laughed - and I'm still giggling as I write this - about how one of the shepherds slipped on the icy grass and muttered "Jesus!" as he went down. We went sledding, played games, sang, danced, relaxed, and opened gifts together. There were no schedules, no stress, no getting to any in-laws' houses by a certain time...just good, quality family/friend time. The lights were incredible. I took some pictures, but there is no way to really capture how gorgeous it was. You just have to experience it for yourself, and you should. 

Panorama of Front Street, Leavenworth

I hope that you felt nothing but joy this holiday season. There were at least seven lonely boys looking for love on Christmas night. That's how many "so-and-so wants to meet you" messages I received from POF. I'm figuring out that Friday nights and holidays are hot cruising times in the online dating world. I haven't spent any time on the site for a couple weeks, but my phone starts blowing up with "meet me" messages on Friday nights and, apparently, Christmas. Must remember to turn the phone off on New Year's Eve. 

While talking with my mother the other day, I realized that I should clarify a tiny detail about this blog in regards to dating. For the most part, I am only writing specifics about the Plenty of Fish fishies that I would never date. So, to my mother and anyone else who may be concerned: I will not be dating any headless torsos wearing nothing but their underwear, nor will I be dating any car-less, unemployed gangsters. 

Having explained that, I can tell you that the dating is going fine, thank you very much. In fact, it might be going a little too well. I have had a few dates that I am not blogging about because I would prefer to keep them private for now. Until these dudes do something stupid to piss me off or creep me out, I will only refer to them in the broadest terms.

There is one Gemini fishy who has been sending me little "good morning" messages and flirty "how's your day?" texts every day since our date two weeks ago. I have to admit, I don't hate the attention. He is definitely second date-worthy, but I've been putting him off while I check out a situation with a different Gemini. The only thing I'll say about Gemini #2 is that he is the only fishy I've seen more than once, and I'm meeting with him again tonight. Oh, and another little fishy called me last night (on the telephone! Isn't that cute?) to ask for a second date. Crazy, right?

When I started dating, I sort of imagined every date would be a one-time deal where both of us knew right away if there was chemistry worth pursuing; but probably it would be a train wreck and it would be obvious to both parties that we would not be going out again. It honestly didn't occur to me that any of the fishies would ask me out a second time. I was fine going on first dates with more than one guy because first dates are more like interviews than dates. However, I feel a bit guilty seeing more than one dude in second date territory. Ack! Pressure! Christmas week gave me a nice break to avoid dealing with it, but I'm probably going to need to learn how to juggle in the next week or so. Since I am a total klutz (refer to the early December posts), I can't wait to see how this turns out.