Awkward and Anxious

First things first: Mr. Cute Fish might not be a total ass. I assumed that I was not going to hear from him again after he conveniently cancelled our date when I informed him of my self-mutilation/dis-figuration. However, I heard from him today. He says he has zero free-time until he leaves town Friday morning, but if I'm still interested, maybe we can try again when he gets back in three weeks. I'm not holding my breath for that invite, but yeah, Mr. Cute Fish, I'll probably still be interested.

By the way, the eye and lip are almost healed. See? I really thought I would have more time to try the boxing glove purchase pick-up line. Oh well. It was still an amazing idea. 

Now to the real reason for writing this post. I had to run to the grocery store for cat food and t.p. tonight. As I was heading down the personal care aisle on my way to the toilet paper, I passed this display: 

I have walked past the condom display pretty much my entire adult life without a second thought. Tonight, though, it nearly caused a mini panic attack. Here's a little stream of consciousness crazy to give you a glimpse inside my head: 

Oh snap. If I ever have sex again, I'll have to use a condom. I thought monogamy, marriage, and menopause meant I would never have to use protection again. If the situation does come up, am I supposed to have condoms on hand? I do like to be a good hostess...but how would I even know which ones to buy? Does size matter? If so, what would be more embarrassing for a dude: too large or too small? Would it look super slutty or super prepared to have an assortment of different sizes from which to choose? Hey, what's the free sample? What's the difference between 'Pure Ecstasy' and 'Her Pleasure Ecstasy'? For that matter, why isn't there a 'Her Pure Pleasure Ecstasy'? Oh wait. Maybe that's the 'Trojan Intensified Charged Orgasmic Pleasure'. Wow, that is a lot of adjectives. Is a man even necessary, or does the Trojan just intensify and charge the orgasmic pleasure all by itself?

Thankfully, I didn't have to answer any of those questions tonight. I grabbed my giant bag of cat food and toilet paper and skedaddled on home. In other words, I did the exact opposite.

Last thought before signing off. I ran across someone I know on Plenty of Fish the other day. Since I sent a hello message from within the app, this friend now shows up as a "Top Prospect". So, that's awkward.