Surprise!

This is the grill of the Mack truck that just smacked into me head-on a few hours ago. Metaphorically, that is. In an extremely rare turn of events, MathMercy is speechless. I literally have no words. Please help.

Hypothetical to the scores of scorneds out there: How would you react if you were informed that your ex was coming back from the other side of the country, and that you had something - however small - to do with it? Think about it for a second. Now really think about it. Do you have your response in mind? Good. Hold onto that thought. Let's continue.

Are you feeling vindicated in the knowledge that you were right? Are you feeling at all pissed that your ex has the audacity to pop back into your brain and your life when you have finally rediscovered yourself and realized that you will never be yourself with him, or probably anyone else? Are you imagining what you would say if a mutual friend said your ex wanted to meet up with you?Are you fantasizing about the things you would say to said ex's face if you happened to bump into said ex at some event? Are you feeling perhaps just a little too much glee that everything is going right for you and not so much for him?

So, I have this friend. Let's call her, um...MythMary. These are her reactions to the hypothetical situation above: Um, I don't want to be all, like, "told you so", but who didn't know that moving away with your mistress/rebound wasn't going to work out? What a jerk.  I just hope his friends let him know that he has nothing to gain by contacting me, as I have nothing to say to him...except maybe "told you so". Ha. Told you so. 

As you can imagine, MathMary MythMercy Myth...screw it...MathMercy is extremely grateful to her multiple sources. Yes, moles, you can rest easy in the knowledge that you were not the only one to warn me, so no one has to know I heard it from you. I am eternally grateful that you all tried to warn me of the blindside. Armed with good intel, I felt I was prepared to know that my ex-husband was living in the same state as me within the next couple weeks. Now I can avoid unpleasant surprises. No drama, no sweat.

Okay, new hypothetical: How would you react if your ex started texting you from the road on his epic drive "home"? What the FUCK?!?! 

In the first hypothetical, did you ever imagine that your ex would actually contact you? It never occurred to me. What if the things he said were all things to which your only response would make you look like an asshole? You know this is not your home, right? Yep, you are a coward. Of course I was right - you don't have to tell me. Sorry it didn't work out for you, but my life is honestly a whole lot better now, so thanks for leaving. As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't have the right to use my name and/or phone number anymore, but I'm not really enough of a bitch to tell him that while he's driving cross-country with his tail between his legs. I haven't replied yet. What would you do?